My father was a pastor my entire childhood, so I grew up listening to Bible stories and learning about the supposed perfect example of a human; Jesus. The majority of my childhood, I was raised with emphasis in the values of love, benevolence, sharing, empathy and compassion. Jesus portrayed these traits, and since as a Christian, I had no other choice but to strive for perfection, I learned these traits as well. However, while Christianity is the American religion of choice, its teachings also lead those who follow closely to that which is fundamentally “un-American;” Socialism. It’s a confusing dichotomy for me now, let alone when I was a child.
Matthew 5:42 says, “Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” And yet, Capitalism remains. Jesus fed the masses with two fish and five loaves of bread, and yet Socialism is “an attack on Americanism.” Confusing indeed. Who knew that being nice could be a plight on society?
Of course my family protected me from the economy throughout my childhood, and living in a tiny town in Wyoming, even if I had my own money there were limited options on where to spend it. And even though my family provided for my needs, it seemed a constant burden to do so. I often heard my parents refer to themselves as lower-middle class. Even though I had no idea what this meant at the time, I understood its effects. I could not afford the toys my friends had and there was an unspoken understanding that the kids who brought a sack lunch, instead of eating cafeteria food, were lesser beings. And while this economic standing made me feel like less of person, there were still those who were even lower than my status and I typically felt more akin to them than the bullies of the higher status.
Eventually, I learned to find satisfaction in what I had and if I did want something new, I used a great deal of discernment in choosing the things which would stretch my parent’s money the furthest. I took up hobbies that required little income, save an initial purchase of equipment, and found great enjoyment in the simplicity of these activities. To this day, the majority of my hobbies are somewhat self-sustaining, and those that are not usually fade with time.
So then I went to college. I attended a small private Christian college in Northern California. I was anxious to get out of Wyoming and my parent’s alumni status as well as my father’s seminary affiliation made this college my escape of choice. Though I didn’t pay for my own tuition, I did earn what spending money I could. It wasn’t much at the time and I didn’t have much to pay for since most of my expenses were covered.
As much as I enjoyed making new friends at college, I still found myself trapped in a Christian bubble of a society and I wanted out. My school efforts started to decline and eventually I lost my financial aid which is exactly the time that the economy slapped me in the face.
I decided to drop out of school and pursue a life in “the real world.” Having no college degree and no trade of choice, I was a bit lost. With the help of some relatives and close friends, I eventually found a job which would cover the costs of my living independently. Suddenly I went from the protection of my family’s lower-middle class status to lower class status. And while I was making ends meet, it was a daily struggle to do so. This was my initiation to the cutthroat world of business.
This was about the same time that Orwell and Steinbeck came into the picture. I had read both previously, however, I never related to the material as I did at this time. Both of their descriptions of the struggling proletariat were never more familiar or personal than now. Their writings took anchor to supplement my already socialistic views.
In hindsight, whatever economic troubles I had were generally related to the fact that I never considered my money my own, I would (and still do) use my money to help my friends and loved ones and even the occasional random stranger, even at the expense of my own needs.
It took a while, but eventually I worked my way up the economic ladder to a point where I was, once again, in the lower-middle class. I was able to supply my basic needs and still have a seemingly insignificant amount of money left for recreational use.
Eventually, I took my leave from Northern California and moved to the Los Angeles area which is where I really took notice of the economy as the income to cost of living ratio was much different. I found a job in Information Technology (my career of choice at the time) and made significantly more than I ever had in Northern California. However, because of the exponential increase in living costs, my additional income meant little or nothing. I lived in Los Angeles for about six years before I realized that I was just spinning my wheels and not going anywhere, financially, socially, spiritually or otherwise.
So I moved to Denver at the suggestion of a friend who lived here. I moved in with a suggested roommate and began looking for work. About a month after moving, I met a few guys who were freelance graphic designers and we got along well, so we started sharing a work load. This led to the start of my own business. The idea of working for myself appealed to me. Little did I realize it was anything but. Suddenly, I was paying business taxes and was the CEO and only worker of a corporation. Still, I pressed on and provided the best quality product I could. This went on for about five months until the aforementioned business partners suddenly decided to pull out of our agreement. To this day, I’m not sure why, but the decision left me on my own looking for clients and, once again, struggling to make ends meet.
Frustration with this struggle gave way to my closing my business and moving on to a more stable income of a full-time job. Once again, I found myself working in I.T.
This is where I remain today, and in a way, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have a steady income, challenging work, a few extra bucks and the free time to spend it how I prefer. My benevolent ways still promote spending what little money I have on others, but I like to think I’ve found a good balance of capitalism and socialism, if that’s even possible.
